When the Ego is the Master (and the fable of Nicolas)

Hi, this is Nicolas. I’m going to tell you a pretty dirty fable, about a certain …

 

Nicolas the poor. The one who wore ‘jogging pants’ at the small school, while the others wore ‘jeans pants’.

Nicolas who had no father and not too much of a relationship with his mother either.

Nicolas, whom his family did not want to babysit him because he was too stressful. The one who was not a “gift”, but did not receive too much either at Christmas or at his party.

Nicolas the disabled, with little legs. The one you don’t want on your sports team, because he was complaining of pain every day anyway.

The one who sought the attention of others by making stupid things all the time and trying to make them laugh … because his life was not so happy after all.

Nicolas who made suicide attempts, who was drugged and alcoholic. The same with tattoos all over the body and unshaven.

Nicolas who found himself on the street, starving, begging in the metro entrances and sleeping in places not recommended for survival.

The same guy who made dangerous decisions to try to get out of it over and over, year after year.

Yes exact: the same man who lived for years with violent addicts who broke everything in the house when they did not have their dose and who received all possible threats if he did not help them.

Nicolas who has relearned to stand on his legs despite being told that he would end up in a wheelchair, that he was less than nothing and that he would end up like his father.

The one who quit smoking and drinking alcohol when health insurance companies no longer wanted to have him as a client and his toilet was filling up with blood every day.

Nicolas who had hundreds of consultations with chiropractors, massage therapists, doctors, all the fuss, who ended up inspiring him to study in the field, with the desperate energy of the person who wants to prove that he is not ‘a less than nothing’, a person who did not have the chance to go to university at the same age as the others, because he did not have the same reality to go through.

This same Nicolas who continued to make jokes and attract attention, with his charisma and good humor which allowed him to survive until today.

Nicolas, who opened the Primal Camp gym after opening his clinic, because it had to be great!

And yes, Nicolas who was very proud to learn things and to want to share them with others at any cost, because he had saved him. This young man who was no longer afraid of many things after all he had gone through.

Nicolas, always so annoying and boastful, so proud to show what he knows, without respecting the elders, who had asked him to shut up, because things had to stay as they were. Meanwhile, hundreds of people witnessed his practice, which changed their lives.

It is known, there is only God and doctors who can heal. It’s written in the tables of laws.

He had been warned, but he had survived several wars, he felt protected and cursed by the gods at the same time. His armor was damaged and they took the opportunity to infiltrate a murderous blade to silence him forever.

Nicolas, dragged in the public square, beaten, insulted, stripped, criticized, hated. Almost everyone turned their heads away, as if it didn’t really happen. To look without reacting is to approve, right? If we ignore, we are protected.

He healed his wounds for a few months, reselling all of his possessions to survive the attacks that continued.

His competitors took the opportunity to come and hit him and party on the debris that remained of his life.

Nicolas the charlatan. They had won the battle.

“Finally, silence!” They thought. No…

‘’ No… Impossible… He got up! How is it possible? No one could have survived this!! We hired the best bullies and lawyers to scare those around him, in addition to the biggest bards to spread the news everywhere. He should have committed suicide or changed his profession !!’’

Unfortunately, Nicolas never knew peace. He fought every day of his life and still sees blood in his toilet and still hears the song of the bards. But now he walks and is proud of it: he was right to follow this path of righteousness and learning.

Nicolas now goes where he is invited and has left his native land.

However, this is not enough for its competitors. No! He had to die. Everything was planned! Years of strategies, of war councils. Its very existence is an insult: it still represents a threat.

New songs are composed and launched every day, more and more empty of melody and catchy texts. Baseless baseness, which in the end underlines the composers’ ignorance and despair. Blinded by their anger and ego, they no longer even realize that people are leaving their concert hall or pretending in turn not to hear these songs.

Soon the hall will be empty and the singers will have to change jobs, because without audiences and without talent, they too will run out of money … and realize that they have wasted a lot of time.

A lot of time that could have been invested in their strengths rather than in promoting the weaknesses of people who scare them, with their ideas and personalities who take them out of their comfort zone.

Nicolas has been there too. An almost empty room, but for other reasons.

People were afraid to be around him, like he had the plague.

He wondered several times if that was the big lesson of his life: to realize that indeed, he would be less than nothing all his life, sick, alone and penniless.

He waited for the answer … and felt something in him, when he accepted the whole great story of his life.

He understood that he was exactly where he had to be… standing on his two functional legs, looking at the ground his trampled ego and realizing that deep inside him and every person, there is this beautiful little being who lives and who often lacks love.

He took his ego in his arms and decided to see it as a great force which allowed him to survive, to prove his right to exist in the world.

Now the little ego could rest, because the heart was taking over.

End of the fable.

 

My ego needed to speak to you with heart from this old person, who is the foundation of who I am now.

I must admit that I sat in front of this blank page wanting to talk about the therapists’ ego and the wickedness that some people could have towards others, that they do not try enough to understand.

Seeking to understand is a scientific process in itself. Curiosity is the finest quality of the researcher.

Since the dawn of time, people and life have been the most complex and mysterious subjects for us.

After more than 10 years of practice in several countries, to open my heart to each person I meet, I realize that the best quality that a therapist can have is empathy. The desire to understand others, without judgment, to accept their journey and help them move towards the best version of themselves.

During one of my trainings, Dr. Amit Goswami said that therapists must avoid pornography and films of violence, which bring us back to our instincts, fear, dominance, which distance us from the most beautiful of us- even: the heart. This was a really interesting point of view.

It is all too easy to stimulate our ego in this modern world, filled with instant possibilities of recognition, through social media.

It is too easy to come across hypersexualized images or images of violence or coronavirus or whatever, a new ‘fashionable’ virus that appears every year.

What are you doing to bring yourself back to the heart and feed this little child who may also have lacked self-esteem?

I like to tell my students that I have grown in the desert, but that I have become a pretty good cactus. Years, wisdom, the presence of my two daughters and my wife help me lose my last needles.

I no longer need anyone’s approval to know that I am a worthy person on this Earth.

You, my brother, my sister: I love you.

You made me someone good, with your judgments or your encouragement.

From one child to another …

 

Nicolas Desjardins

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